Dear Drama Observers, I had it all planned out. I got up earlier than usual this morning and had just enough time to bang out this letter, stick it in the pneumatic tube, hit the send button, and whoosh, you could pull it out of your end of the tube sometime this afternoon. I popped […]
Dear Drama Observers, I’ve talked a lot over the years about something I call the conflict trap. It’s a cycle of relational frustration I’ve observed countless times in my work with couples. Here’s how the conflict trap works: She’ll say or do something that pushes one of his buttons. He reacts to the button push […]
Dear Drama Observers, I’ve told the story before of a couple I worked with once. Their presenting complaint was that they were “stuck” and needed help getting unstuck. When I asked if they had ever succeeded in getting unstuck before, they recounted this experience from their early weeks of marriage. While dating, she was attracted […]
Dear Drama Observers, A few years ago, I asked a friend if she’d be willing to share her story of what it was like growing up in the home of a narcissist. It’s one thing to read articles about them. It’s quite another to be raised by them. I thought I’d share her well-written and […]
Dear Drama Observers, We started a few weeks ago looking at five abilities needed to do the right things when flaws are revealed in close connections. Normal People have developed these abilities, but Drama People haven’t. We looked at the first two and then got detoured because, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, there’s a […]
Dear Drama Observers, I do a fair amount of marital counseling and I’ve noticed over the years that when I see a couple’s name on my schedule for the day, I have an emotional reaction. And I’ve learned to use that visceral sense as a thermometer of sorts which gives me a reading on the […]
Dear Drama Observers, Several years ago, I got a call from a lady inquiring about my services as a marital counselor. I called her back and we set up an appointment for her and her husband to come in. “Oh, by the way,” she inquired before our call ended, “do you know anything about Narcissistic […]
Dear Drama Observers, I’d like to tell you a story and then make a point about white privilege. Several years ago, a friend of mine stumbled into therapy. No, I don’t mean she accidently walked into a counselor’s office. She and her husband went to see a counselor for a marital check-up the same way […]
Dear Drama Observers, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s a lot going on. Playing on repeat in my head lately is that haunting Buffalo Springfield melody with the lyrics: There’s something happening here What it is ain’t exactly clear There’s a man with a gun over there Telling me I got to beware […]
Dear Drama Observers, I tell people sometimes, “If you’re not sure where your flaws are, there’s a quick and easy way to find out. Get married. Or get a roommate. Or just get in close to someone because it’s in those close relationships that our flaws become evident.” Relationships are like relational mirrors in which […]